Dead Skin

I have psoriasis, eczema, dry skin…basically every kind of skin condition under the sun. Luckily, I’ve got a handle on how to deal with it and though I have had flare ups my whole life, I’m able to keep it pretty balanced.

One thing I’ve found that helps, but is super painful at the same time, is shedding dead skin. (Sorry for the upcoming visual, but it means something, I promise). I lightly rub my skin in the shower, which helps the dead skin fall off, and it hurts because my skin is already so sensitive, but I’ve noticed that this helps with the excess build-up of skin cells; the shedding helps bring new, healthy skin; I lotion afterwards because it brings such a refreshing feeling.

As I did that this evening in the shower, I was also grieving. No, not for the skin :) but for some things and people I’ve lost in my life.

I’ve never had very good boundaries. With painful mistakes, learning experiences, and lots of prayer, I’ve been able to learn what is and isn’t healthy for a healthy relationship/friendship. I’m currently going through a transition of several things: becoming older, a parent to a toddler, wanting more children, learning what behaviors/habits I do and do not want my son to pick up from other kids and their parents. It’s been trying to say the least! I’ve had to re-evaluate the influences in my daily life that might affect my walk with the Lord, including my stumbling blocks and my family life. I’ve begun to painfully help the “dead skin” to shed and bring new, fresh skin.

I’ve had to do this same routine a few times in my life. I tend to like to “rescue” people and it’s been rough on my heart and emotional self to say the least.  As I grieve for a few losses that I see coming within the near horizon, I am hopeful to see the fresh skin underneath. What things are going to help me be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter that I can be? It’s not an easy decision to grow up, to realize your responsibilities and what you believe in; these things come before the things that you’re used to in life.

Within my life I’ve had to understand that some people walk into this new path with you, encouraging you and supporting you, even if they aren’t at the same crossroads. Then there are those that don’t walk with you, the skin that is shed. Grown up decisions are hard but in order to become the person that I need to be, I have to make them. Boundaries, sigh…I’m still learning about them and I KNOW I’ve crossed a couple thousand in my lifetime, but I’m learning. 

So maybe evaluating your life and where you’re going, and even with whom, isn’t “very pretty” but it’s that big ADULT step that is! The life that’s forming beneath the dying relationships and bad habits will spring forward growth, and new life; that is what my goal is. To constantly bring “pretty new skin” to my life, emotionally, spiritually, healthy……

A Pro-Active List

When John and I first got engaged we took a seriously dating course at our church. At one meeting they asked us to make a list of the things we expected out of each other once we were married. My list was very straight forward: John will take out the trash, John will help carry laundry, and John will plan date nights. To be honest, I can’t remember what his list consisted of J but apparently it’s going well since I’ve had no complaints. Haha

 When we decided to get pregnant, I did the same thing but of things I wanted to teach Dennon and things I wanted our family to value. For instance: I wanted to use a different word than “No”. Although I’m sure one day he will, I couldn’t stand hearing a little kid scream “no no no” all the time. So, I wrote down 1. Want to say “Don’t Touch”. I also wanted us to eat dinner as a family, my kid would learn how to sit at the table and eat with people.

  I think it’s really important for parents to stop and think about the things they want to instill in their children, BEFORE they actually have children. Being a parent isn’t an easy thing and honestly, to me, it’s not a natural thing. I have to work at it every single day. My list helps me immensely, I’m able to reference it every once in awhile and make sure that the things that were important to me, I’m working on.  I have one job right now and it’s to raise my son. Just like when I was married, I had to adjust to learning how to live with another person, I wanted to be the one who cooked, managed the finances, kept our house running, so I had to learn how to do that.  But right now, Dennon, is 24/7 my job, so I take it very seriously. I want to instill good things in him, I want to already create a stable foundation in his little heart and I can’t just simply hope that one day it happens. I have to work at it moment by moment, lesson by lesson and sometimes, mistake by mistake.

I think some people just have kids willy nilly and don’t realize all that comes with it, not only are you responsible for this little life but they are a product of their environment and well, what is  the environment you are giving them? Now, I know there are different circumstances and stories for everyone, so I am speaking generally. Your job as a parent isn’t just to keep your kid alive (though that’s good too).  If your kid doesn’t say please and thank you, are you teaching them to? Do you?

A few weeks back I was bummed because Dennon didn’t wave hello and goodbye to people. You always see adorable little kids doing that and I wanted him to be adorable too! Then I realized, we don’t wave, John and I don’t wave to him or really to other people. So, we started doing it and sure enough he picked it up. Goodness, so what does that say about everything else, if I want him to clean up after himself, we have to teach him to now. Even though he’s little, we can already start putting these things into action, so, at bath time, we put our toys away. When I do my makeup and he’s fumbling with my brushes and such, I asked him to get them a put them back in the bag. He does!!

Why do I say all this? Well, if you aren’t a parent yet or maybe you are, stop and take some time to write down the things you want to teach your kids, the values you want your family to hold important to them. Now they are right in front of you, put them into practice. The things you want them to find important, won’t be, unless you teach them so, it’s our jobs to pass on good choices, values and such to our children.

Here’s a little taste of my every growing list:

      1.       I want my kid to say please & thank you

2.       I want my kid to learn that he can be on his own for short periods of time

3.       I want my kid to be loving

4.       I don’t want my kid to say “no” all the time

5.       I want my kid to shake hands before he high fives J

6.       I want my family to have Jesus Christ as the center

7.       I want my family to value dinner time

8.       I want my family to talk to each other about their days

9.       I want my family to be helpful to other families

10.   I want my kid to learn to clean up after himself

11.   I want my kid to understand consequences

12.   I want my kid to learn to dance

13.   I want my kid to talk in sentences not just single words

We honestly work on these every day..some days it’s a success and some days it’s not but the point is, that’s my heart and with it written down and in front of me, I’m able to keep reminding myself that this is my job right now and I can do it. It’s an honor and a blessing to be able to teach this little life. It certainly isn’t easy but it’s a noble job.