Dead Skin

I have psoriasis, eczema, dry skin…basically every kind of skin condition under the sun. Luckily, I’ve got a handle on how to deal with it and though I have had flare ups my whole life, I’m able to keep it pretty balanced.

One thing I’ve found that helps, but is super painful at the same time, is shedding dead skin. (Sorry for the upcoming visual, but it means something, I promise). I lightly rub my skin in the shower, which helps the dead skin fall off, and it hurts because my skin is already so sensitive, but I’ve noticed that this helps with the excess build-up of skin cells; the shedding helps bring new, healthy skin; I lotion afterwards because it brings such a refreshing feeling.

As I did that this evening in the shower, I was also grieving. No, not for the skin :) but for some things and people I’ve lost in my life.

I’ve never had very good boundaries. With painful mistakes, learning experiences, and lots of prayer, I’ve been able to learn what is and isn’t healthy for a healthy relationship/friendship. I’m currently going through a transition of several things: becoming older, a parent to a toddler, wanting more children, learning what behaviors/habits I do and do not want my son to pick up from other kids and their parents. It’s been trying to say the least! I’ve had to re-evaluate the influences in my daily life that might affect my walk with the Lord, including my stumbling blocks and my family life. I’ve begun to painfully help the “dead skin” to shed and bring new, fresh skin.

I’ve had to do this same routine a few times in my life. I tend to like to “rescue” people and it’s been rough on my heart and emotional self to say the least.  As I grieve for a few losses that I see coming within the near horizon, I am hopeful to see the fresh skin underneath. What things are going to help me be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter that I can be? It’s not an easy decision to grow up, to realize your responsibilities and what you believe in; these things come before the things that you’re used to in life.

Within my life I’ve had to understand that some people walk into this new path with you, encouraging you and supporting you, even if they aren’t at the same crossroads. Then there are those that don’t walk with you, the skin that is shed. Grown up decisions are hard but in order to become the person that I need to be, I have to make them. Boundaries, sigh…I’m still learning about them and I KNOW I’ve crossed a couple thousand in my lifetime, but I’m learning. 

So maybe evaluating your life and where you’re going, and even with whom, isn’t “very pretty” but it’s that big ADULT step that is! The life that’s forming beneath the dying relationships and bad habits will spring forward growth, and new life; that is what my goal is. To constantly bring “pretty new skin” to my life, emotionally, spiritually, healthy……