Never Hinder, Always Love

On Mother’s Day a few years back at church, my mom spoke about her experience as a mother. If you’ve ever heard my mom speak, you know how incredible she is. She can tell a story and you’ll remember it for forever, she is so wise and so eloquent. I hope one day that I can communicate my thoughts as beautifully as she does.

Like I was saying, she said something that I’ll always remember. She talked about how she had to move from being mom-the coach to being mom-the fan. I guess, I never thought about it until that moment but she completed that transition so beautifully, she’ll probably tell you she isn’t even close to completing that transition. However, it’s never felt that way to me.

I was chatting with a friend today and she was talking about how her mom still hovers over her, if she disagrees with her mom about how she wants to raise/ handle her son, it’s a horrible offense.  Although, my mom and I have run-ins every now and then (usually because of me and my stubbornness) she has always let me find my way. I think in order to be an adult, I needed her to take a step back and allow me to really be one, to be accountable, responsible, and sometimes stumble just like adults do.

My mom has so gracefully moved to the sidelines and continues to be there to help me remember the plays, console me when I’ve lost, cheer me on through the good and the bad.   Having my mother be my number one fan, I believe has helped my confidence and self esteem. Knowing that she was there to encourage and I was never really alone, it helped me become a stable, independent, secure adult. I’ve always respected my mom and her opinion, whether I agree with it or not, which is why I think we have such a good relationship. She taught me to think for myself but not to be so prideful that I can’t even hear other thoughts and opinions about my life. She taught me to stand on my own two feet and thrive, not for her but for myself.

I want to be that kind of mother to Dennon. I see mom’s who at 22 years old are still telling their kids what to think and how to be. I know, easier said than done, my son isn’t that age yet, but as he grows bigger, I realize more and more what a powerful impact my mom made on my life. She was this constant in my life and although I knew it to be true, as did she, I was allowed to branch out and find who I was outside of being her daughter. I have this amazing strength in my life and I know it comes from her. She was the best example of a woman, mother, friend, and wife and even though she doesn’t count my success as her own, I only succeed because of the kind of mother she was and is.

I want my son to know that I am that constant in his life, that as he grows I will be his coach: modeling, teaching, praying earnestly for him. I can only hope that when the day comes for me to move behind the fence to listen, console, and love him I can do it with half the grace and wisdom as my mother. There are so many things in my life that I’ve found are thriving because of the example my mother was when I was growing up, Lord allow me to be that for my son. Allow me to see that he is this little love full of his own unique quirks, habits, paths to follow and that although he is “mine” he is truly yours and that when I move over you can become the coach and teach him things I never could. Allow me to never hinder and always love.

If you are a mom or hoping to be a mom, remember this, your child is not you. Your child has a whole new set of emotions and thoughts, allow them to thrive in those and express themselves. Allow them to find their way, safely of course, but without always holding your hand.  The accomplishment they feel from finding their way with you next to them instead of in front of them cannot be replaced. Allow them to succeed even if it means they fall a few times along the way.