Knowing Who You are

"Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!”- Jessie J. (Who You Are)

On Wednesday nights I lead a small group at my church for kids ages 13-18, it’s called Converse. We discuss real life issues that teens deal with everyday, whether it’s with God, their parents etc. We are super honest and super transparent. I’ve been leading it for 3 years now and it keeps getting better and better.

A Converse member's drawing

Last night we discussed Self-Worth. I had the kids trace their bodies on butcher paper and we did a few exercises. 1. Circle all the emotional scars you may have 2. Circle the parts of your body you wish you could change. 3. Answer these questions: a) I feel most loved when… b)I feel unloved when… c) I’m ashamed when… D) I like these 5 things about myself… The kids were challenged to be honest and real with themselves, after, we each went around reading each other’s and leaving our thoughts and comments, then we prayed and found a verse in the bible that would help us with how we see ourselves. 

As I went around viewing the things these kids wrote, my heart broke for them.   There were so many negative thoughts in one little person drawing, so much trauma that they’ve been through. Whether, divorce, being exposed to pornography too early, feeling unloved, feeling unworthy of God, etc. there were so many honest comments on those orange pieces of butcher paper. 

Converse Kids reading what the other kids wrote on their paper

As we broke up into groups and prayed, so many of the kids were mentioning how they felt and couldn’t communicate their feelings to their parents.  A lot of the things they were saying reminded me of how I felt when I was a teenager. Back then, I used to say that my mom “wasn’t a cookie mom” that she wasn’t the type of mom who was home when you got back from school with a plate of cookies and talked about your day, she wasn’t an affectionate mom a cuddly mom. I am affectionate, like my dad, I need a closeness a touch, to feel loved and therefore I felt that my mom truly didn’t love me.

As I’ve grown up into an adult, I’ve been able to look back at the relationship I had with my mom and realize that every step of the way, she was there for me. Maybe not in the “Cookie” mom way, the way that I thought mom’s were supposed to be but she was always able to hear me, hear my heart. She always allowed me to be the kid, the teen, the person that I was. She didn’t try and mold me into the person SHE thought I should be, she let me run my course, get the wounds, helped heal the scabs and get over the scars. 

Put a little pretty in your life...

 I am different because of who my mom was to me. She allowed me to thrive even at a young age, how did she do it? With a little pretty, I’ve always admired my mom for being true to her heart. She’s a strong, independent, beautiful woman who wears GLITTER CONVERSE, loves hearts and will read the most amazing, animated stories to my son. When I witness her in these moments, she exudes this beauty that I can only pray I’m able to teach my son. I want him to “Know who he is” and to stand in that, to know that I support him in the kid, teen, person that he will become. I don’t want to be a “Cookie” mom to Dennon, I want to be a mom full of my own pretty, little quirks that make me unique. I want him to be able to show his friends, wife, children that holding onto those quirks will make him the best role model he can ever be.